Our family has the ultimate Au Pair!

Prior to this year, we have never had an au pair before. We had always thought this would be a great idea – a "third parent" to help us get our kids, Sam (aged 7) and Lily (aged 3), off to school and then pick them up in the evening. Someone to play with our kids after school – to help Sam with his homework! As an added bonus, our "third parent" would come from a different country and be able to teach our children about other cultures and other languages!

We interviewed many potential au pairs. It was fun meeting so many young women eager to begin an adventure. We even fell in love with one from Brazil who we lost due to visa issues. It was in this moment, when it all seemed to be falling apart, when our dream of adding to our family and providing our children with a special cultural opportunity seemed to be slipping through our fingers, that we met Li Shan. She seemed perfect – John spoke to her first, and the conversation lasted for hours! He immediately called Anja and said "I think she’s the one!" 

Anja spoke with her, and instantly they were talking as if they’d known each other forever. The kids, who had seen her for the first time that same night, immediately began practicing their very limited "Ni Hao, Kai Lan" Chinese. By the end of the conversation, everyone was in agreement. It was an easy decision – Li Shan was The One. 

Despite our great first impression and continued conversations with Li Shan, there was a great deal of anxiety and nervous excitement when the day came to pick her up in New Jersey. At this point, we had just moved to Pennsylvania, and were busy settling in. Would this work out? How would an au pair, already nervous about travelling halfway around the world, see our family? Would she actually fit in? Would she love our children as we love them? Would she think we were absolutely crazy, turn tail and run back to Malaysia? These questions were quickly answered. 

At this point, it’s probably best that we explain the 2 "cherubs" who have been only a marginal part of the story up until now. Sam, our eldest, had undiagnosed and untreated ADHD. As physicians, we’d balked at treating him for the past 3 years. He can be a bit of a handful. Difficult to focus, but brilliant – he has a mind like a steel trap. Lily, our youngest, is the very definition of princess – the only girl among all the grandchildren on either side and the baby to boot – she can be demanding and shrill at times.  

Poor Li Shan. She flew for 27 hours on the plane from Malaysia, and then had to take classes in New Jersey despite the 12-hour time difference. We’re sure she was beyond jet-lagged and tired – not to mention nervous herself. We attempted to protect her as best we could, but Sam immediately jumped her, hugging her tightly, and then hugging her again in the lobby of the hotel. On the ride home, he assaulted her with songs in Chinese (that he’d learned from the DVD that he had insisted "sucked" because it had only girls on it!) . On arriving home, she was assaulted again by Lily. She never complained, not even once. The next day, John was away, and Anja had a lot of food to prepare for a welcoming party on Saturday – Li Shan immediately took charge, quieted the kids (unheard of!) and gave Anja the space she needed to get everything ready. This was going to work! 

We both started our new jobs that first month. Sam and Lily started their summer camp (though Lily complained every single day that she "hated it"). We exposed Li Shan to both of our families – and extended family of friends. We were all new to the area – we couldn’t even tell her where to go. Li Shan never wavered, never hesitated, and never complained. She was unerringly kind to our children, indulgent to us (listening to John’s stories from his experiences while active duty Army, and tasting -- and enjoying! – all of Anja’s healthy vegetarian cuisine). She was unflappable despite our chaos. She became – she IS – a part of our family. We’re not sure what we’ll do without her. 

We know, even the kids know, that come this spring, we will probably have to start all over – interviewing new young women, putting our hearts out and getting our hopes up. The poor au pairs we will look at – what big shoes they’ll have to fill. But we all know that we’ll have a secret weapon in our corner – a new member of our family, who loves us despite our failings, and who will help us find the next "amazing au pair" – Li Shan Kwan, the ultimate au pair.

The essay above was written by John & Anja for 2012 Ultimate Au Pair Contest.